Patience…

Is something God is constantly making me work on.

I started off this journey with a lot of high hopes and the very best of intentions, and initially it was rocky, and then things started to just zoom and i thought for sure yes!!!!! finally i will be back where i was, things are on a very positive upswing.

If you have been following the blog, you already know what happened. My hands. I had some serious pain for awhile. It was a difficult thing to swallow but not unexpected, i was hoping that i was going slow enough that it would not be an issue, but really i was pushing myself a lot harder than i should have been.

So then the year started closing off, and i faced some very trying days. A family member passed away, and in an instant my role as rock to my family became more than me saying or doing some small thing to make their day better…it became more than i knew i could pull off. After a helluva year it ended with me seeing plain as day, i am a woman, grown, strong, and sure. One that wears the responsibility of family quite well.

But as any person who has had to don that particular cloak can tell you, it is easy for you to get lost in the mix, and for you to forget about yourself and doing what needs to be done to ensure your health.

All of these occurrences made me take proper stock of my exercise program and i had to face some truths i hated, but was necessary for my overall development, mentally and physically.

One hard truth was: I was doing too much too fast. You don’t not walk for years then regain it in one year or less. You also do not promise yourself that, then beat yourself up when you cannot achieve it.

The other big hard truth was: Where i am is pretty advanced, and just maintaining it does take work. I took what i could do day to day for granted, and i should never ever do that. It is the easiest way to undermine yourself and ensure future and current failure.

Throughout all of this though, i kept on exercising. Surprised? Lol! I did it in much smaller amounts, but i kept it regular and now i realise what i have to do to continue my walk back.

Small steady movements, is the safest but surest way to go. Now if you know me, you know this could not be further from my regularly followed path, which is probably the biggest indication that i must take it.

Unlike my mind, my soul, and my intellect, my body is fragile as well as mortal. I need to respect that and slowly but surely build it back up.

I refuse to give up though, and even though it may take me longer than i want or longer than i expected to get back to where i want to be, so be it. It is a lesson. As this entire journey has been. One long ever-evolving lesson.

So…now i will be back to my exercise bike a couple times a week, in addition to standing between 40 secs – 1 minute a day. And on the days when this angers or disappoints me, i will remember how many people wish they could do all the things i take for granted…daily.

Blessings people, may this new year bring you all the things God above wants you to have and enjoy 😉

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Mmmmm mmm good :)

Today was a good day and i give thanks for it.
I pulled off the 15 stands in less time than it took for two songs from machel to play on my computer 😀
Not bad at all i think…push stand and sit.
All these are lil steps forward, while not injuring myself, and still strengthening my muscles and getting my body back in a comfortable zone of shape.

So this is truly a good day indeed 🙂

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Still here still pushing

I have just gotten a lil quiet about it. I guess my quieter side has pushed to the forefront and is making me just do and talk less.
I have to remember though that this is how i keep track of my progress and what i am doing, so i will push to talk more.

The five, one minute stands are coming along nicely. I picked the perfect number that does not kill my wrists but most definitely kills my legs and my entire body. So i work out and push myself, and yet still i am able to recover and continue with my day. Not a bad trade off. What i cannot wait to see is how this 5 minutes will feel in a month when my muscles have gotten used to it. I look forward in fact to that point, very much so.

Imagine that, joy is to be able to stand for 5 one minute sessions with me not feeling any stress…lol life yes.

Nothing ever happens as you plan it, i know that by now, and still, i get surprised by the surprises, very silly of me, but i suppose it makes everyday an interesting one, right? Yeah i think so too.

I continue to walk forward 🙂

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Almost forgot lol

I exercised today :D!

Yesterday i was out and about so i did my standing up and down thing in the midst of the running around. I have to say, i get in and out of the car a lot easier than before, and if nothing else i love that benefit a whole lot. I think the most impressive gain is that i fear less the idea of depending on my legs to hold me upright as i maneuver my body to sit in the car.

Today i experimented all how again, with standing for my full minutes, and trying my hardest to not put extra strain on my hands…this will take some doing mainly because i do need my hands for balance and to help hold me up as well…its like trying to stand on legs you know are there but you can’t exactly feel and on legs you are not sure will not just collapse on you. Sigh…yes jah jah, yuh give me a special life indeed…oh well, i live it and i am thankful for it yes. But anyway, my hands are needed to brace me. What i think i should remember, and use as inspiration is the fact that i can stand using my own strength, because i remember when other people and things/tools had to be used to help hold me upright. So at least, i am not there anymore, i can use my own body strength to be vertical so yay!

I made my 5 one minute stands today, not easy but it got done. Tomorrow i will hope to not wake up in pain, and see what i can pull off.

Waiting and walking in hope as always….:)

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The costs

4 one minute stands today.

I have not done this really in two or more weeks, the reason, tendonitis flared very painfully in both hands. Which made eating, holding a spoon, painful. So painful i had to take a spoonful in, wait awhile then next spoonful…etc. Hell even brushing my teeth hurt smh.

I cannot push to get my legs to a certain level at the expense of my hands, because without my hands i am all sorts of screwed. Before i started back this week, i had decided to stop pushing for longer stand times, and instead focus on mastering a shorter time, so that i would still be working out my legs, but reducing the stress on my hands. I figured 5 minute sessions, mixed in with 15 – 20 stands, but now i may have to also reduce the number of times a week i do this. Maybe down to 2 – 3 times a week, instead of 4. I dunno, i think this might have to be played by ear.

All i do know is that the cost to my hands, arms and shoulders is real and painful, and it is something i have to be very careful about.

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up and down we go

Today is an up day though…back up to 7 minutes. 7 long no tail one minute stands with some serious breaks inbetween. As well as an almost slide and fall off the chair in the middle.

Everything hurts, this is not easy by any means, and i really want robot legs, i think i would killlllll as a cyborg!

Seriously though, (unless i can really be a cyborg 😉 hopefully this is the start of a productive week and my hands which are very unhappy will ease up and not cause me to drug up like i had to this weekend with them.

All i can do is try and give my all right? Well that is exactly what i am doing….

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Every day is fishing day but…

Not everyday is catching day. That in one sentence has been this week for me. This was a weak week for my body. Yesterday was a no-go and today i did all of 3 one minute stands. Sigh. I am disappointed, but i do know that this is real life. This is what it means to be human.

Our mind conceives possibilities and all our body could do is try its best to achieve it. My consolation is that at least i did not give up or really give in. Even if it was only 3 minutes, i did it and pushed myself to do the best i could. Of that i know i should be proud and to be honest, i am truly proud.

I must really be growing up if i am as proud of 3 minutes as i was of 8, lol. I guess the lesson of it all being about the effort, and not the actual achievement is finally after many years sinking in.

All that inside, outside, and aside though, here’s hoping i rest well this weekend and next week i am able to go at it again, stronger than ever.

Blessings!

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