If there is one thing about me that you will surely grasp, if you have not already, is that i really hate failing. I do not like when things do not work the way i plan them, and yes i know this is a human condition, but with me, and maybe this is my engineering side talking, i have learned how to fail. I hate it. But i know how to do it successfully. You cannot break me by pushing me down, in fact you pushing me down, kicking me while i am there and stealing all that i have is probably the worst thing you can do for you, if your intention is to keep me back. I am just going to want it more. As my friend Cathy tells me “All someone has to tell you is no, you can’t, and that motivates you to not only do it but crush it!”
In my mind i consider yesterday a failure. Because i stand every day and the fact that trying to stand with the walker was so tedious….that was unacceptable to me. However, as i said i know how to fail. Last night was spent in recovery and assessment. When you fall down you analyse the why, the how, and all of the particulars. Yesterday my legs were stiff as boards, very spastic, and i was a nervous wreck who felt i had to prove something not just to myself but to those who are supporting me. Those of you who know me personally know that when i get a case of nerves it is horrible, and NOTHING happens. These are not excuses, these are reasons, and what do we do with these reasons? We work on them and we do what can be done to eliminate them.
This morning i started fresh, before i even left my bed i was on all fours stretching my body. Getting the blood flowing loosening up those muscles in my stomach (which if you did not know you DO need in order to stand), in my legs and hips. I stretched, and it felt good, my body responded quite positively and the legs enjoyed the step in between trying to stand and being dormant. The other thing i will be doing throughout the day are leg stretches while i sit. Knee up to chest. That way the legs are loose, and not as spastic or stiff when i go back at the walker again later in the day.
It is clear i need to keep the blood flowing and retrain my legs to the possibility of constant motion. I have not been doing that at all.
Lol…see what i said about knowing how to fail 😉 I failed yesterday in my own estimation but look at how much i have gained from it. And i am sure today will be better with the walker. I am aiming for 3-5 stand-ups. That is the aim and the focus today. Also, to relax and let my legs remember, go slowly with them and be patient with myself and my body, because this is not a race, it is a journey. And as we all know with a journey you are supposed to stop and enjoy the ride not hurry down the road to get there 🙂
The other thing that has happened is that my wrists are feeling sore-ish. As i mentioned before i do have tendonitis in both hands, which was and is still a major concern for me with doing this. I am determined however, not to let this stop me. My mind is focused, i want this and having started i will not stop now.
So, assessment has taken place…adjustments have been made, and most importantly we continue forward with this walk back!