This is hard. Like i wanna crawl into my bed after and curl into a ball hard and have someone curl around me and hug me and say “It will all be ok…you will be fine…it is ok.”
Today i wanted to just cry. Just sit down and cry. It was so hard. It was such a big mental effort. Such physical strain. So much involved to push forward and to try, without knowing what the end result will be. To work this hard in the dark with only the hope that one day my body will feel better, work better, be stronger. A shot in the dark, a chance i am taking to see what can happen.
People never see this side of the success or work. The pain.
Today i did 10 for 10 again. I think this will be my working point for awhile, since it is just this side of wickedly difficult for me right now.
I will not quit, nor will i be discouraged, but geez i need some hugs….
It is the beaten feeling that eats away at you…sigh.