Last night i remembered one of the main reasons why for years i also did not attempt to walk after the ability had faded away.
It is torture. Literal torture, doing this. And i had thought to myself…is it worth torturing myself, going through all of that simply to be able to walk again? What exactly can you not do that being able to walk around like you used will give you back again? Hmmm…
Is it worth putting my body, mind, and soul through this to simply be able to stand and very slowly and painfully move one leg in front the other in the house? Because even if i get back to where i was, i will still use the wheelchair outside the house because it is safer. What am i pushing myself to achieve here? What really is worth 5 days a week pushing, plugging, and mentally screaming over? I still do the same chores, i work, i relax, i do everything.
Getting out of the chair. Never having to feel that ache in my back and lower body from just being in the chair for so many hours. Feeling free-er with my body, and more confident in myself. Being able to climb and be more adventurous in and around everything. Lol…no world peace, no health benefits really on my mind. Simple, selfish, levels of freedom that will affect no one else really but me.
It had to come from me. It had to be for me. It has to be by me. That is the difference from then to now. Before it would have been to please others and make them more comfortable. Now it is all about doing this for myself. That is what will keep me going.
Ah yes…the stretches are getting easier 😀
Today: 10 stands for 25 secs each and 2 stands for 30 secs each….5 mins 10 secs….all by myself….not a bad day’s work at all