So ok good news first…SEVEN whole minutes today!!!!!!
5 one minute stands followed by 3 40 second stands……YEAHHHHHHHH….seven minutes is a LONG time….and my legs really hate me lol…talk about spasm and shake and knee buckle…but i dug in and did it…so yippee!
Now i can rant….i am so scared. I am doing this and i do not know if it will amount to anything more than me being able to stand again for long. I am literally terrified. Am i setting myself up for something that i can no longer do? Suppose the damage is done and cannot be repaired? I mean i see my feet, i see how they swell, and how they curve, i know they are damaged. I cannot feel my legs and some of my upper body like normal, its not injured its actually damaged. As in something was in there and wreaked it.
What am i doing? Am i not good enough as i am? Why am i trying to do this again? Suppose this does not work? I get to fail in front of everyone?
Sigh it is over a month and i still cannot even begin to try to make a step, it just is not there, my legs are not ready for that as of yet, what if they never are?
Hells bells people what am i doing?