It is all about balance then i suppose. And that is what i am trying to find. the perfect balance between pushing myself and not overdoing it. Not the easiest thing in the world but i am playing around with it this week. Yesterday i was sick, my tummy decided to mess with me and i took a day off so it could fix itself…turns out the day off in the middle of the week….not a bad thing for my legs. Today when i stood for the first time they were all “Yeah BABY we feel good bring on the EXERCISE!” I was most pleasantly surprised 🙂
And it was not in vain, as when it came time to exercise i did something that surprised even me. I am now up to 8 minutes 🙂 However, these 8 minutes were done as 8 one minute stands :D! I said goodbye to my 40 second stands completely!
Now this was not easy eh, there was a lot of sinking, and some spasming, and me going oh boyyyyy don’t fall, push push push push!!! But i made it. 8 whole minutes, in one minute bursts…heh!
So now i am really liking the idea of 4 times a week with the day off in the middle for now. What i was actually telling mom was that i wish that day off i could be in the pool walking. Yes i said walking…i can walk in the pool, well the last time i tried i could. But one day of pool work where i can get the legs doing the walking motion again, well now that is something to aim for. I think i will make some calls and see, if i can get a therapist or some friends to help me make that happen, just once a week, a couple lengths of the pool, walking. I think that might be great…hmmm 🙂 That is something to consider. Maybe i might wait till the new year, when i am physically stronger with even better stamina, that way getting me in and out the pool will be suckeye!
All in all though i have to admit i am very proud of myself, earlier this year i went through an incident that made me believe my body was getting worse and i was losing what functions i had. And i went from that to biking, and now on to the walker, and now my sights are set on walking in the pool again.
In some ways this has been one of the hardest years of my life, where the very spirit of who i am, was sorely tested to a point where somewhere in there i did break. But, i did not stay broken, i in fact found out how strong i truly was, and what i had inside of me when all i had was me and God. For a long time i thought so many other people were the best of my life, and it took this year to show me that the best of me, the true beautiful measure of me, lay within me and came from who God made me to be from the word go. I look in the mirror these days and i see a woman i am proud to be, and a life i live without shame and one i live filled with gratitude and blessings.
I will always call this a very tough year, but it was also one of the most groundbreaking, self achieving, fundamental years of my life. Hmmm once again showing that the beginning of something is no indication of how the end of it will turn out.