Change

Life unfolds as it should through heartache pain and drama….hmmm

When i started doing this i was very angry, very determined, and very focused on kicking ass and crushing limits and being a righteous hellcat, who would defy every obstacle coming up against her.

But the process of doing this has changed me. Maybe it burnt me out and wore away some of the pain i was carrying around and instead gave me some peace. Peace is always good right? Hmm maybe its just more endorphins? Or maybe i am happy to be able to do things i used to be able to do and thought was gone? Who knows really, whatever the why, the end result is the cool part.

I am not as angry as before. I am still motivated, but it is out of a more positive place. I am happier these days. Stronger in body mind and spirit. Facing some crappy demons and accepting that just because i want and will something with all of my might to happen, does not mean it will…and generally that is for my own good. Even though at the point in time i think it sucks.

I am learning to appreciate me even more now. My body and how it works. My mind and the will it contains. My spirit and who i am on the very hidden inside. Before i saw a lot of yuck, though i pretended not to. These days i see strength and beauty. Actual beauty, the kind that makes you look in your inner mirror and smile. Something about seeing yourself grow, and knowing that you have gifts and strengths on the inside that will see you through the worst that life brings to you, it makes you appreciate yourself even more, love yourself more in that healthy way.

Mmmm, anyway. Today i was feeling tired and a lil wash out and was not sure how much i would be able to do. But you know me, we try and push until we literally can’t anymore. So today i did just 7 minutes. 7 one minute stands, could not make the 8. And for once that is ok, because it is still 7 minutes and i pushed till my body said NO MORE. Which at the end of the day is all you can really ask of yourself.

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